For much of my younger years I was afraid to feel excited about anything in my life; I lived in my own little fearful bubble for a very long time. It wasn't until about six years ago, after my mother's death, that I decided to push through it. I wasn't going to allow it to rob me of my life; after all, mom wouldn't want it that way.
About nine months ago, I lost my job. I was 61 at the time and guess who tried to surface and torment me? FEAR! I literally shouted in the middle of my 16' home, NO! YOU WILL NOT GET ME DOWN!!! Month after month I applied for jobs, took test after test and interviewed over and over again. The job search was so grueling. I kept at it though, internally feeling embarrassed, rejected and yes, fearful of my future. I did not want to have to take an early retirement but was prepared to do so by October.
Here I was, almost now 62, jobless, friendless, new state, new doctors, dentists, and....I thought those horrid thoughts for days until I said okay, I have to fight this again and this time, I need to fight it for me. Before I knew it, day after day I was repeating my daily affirmations, listening to myself, crying endless tears, release-dancing! One day I just woke up and found myself wide open to whatever happens next.
During my time of unemployment, I had developed the best relationship a mother could ask for with her son. We've always been close but we took close to a whole new level. We took a few mini trips together. We explored eateries and bars and he even flew home with me last week, (Maine). We talked finances, future, dating (both single) and he shared with me how hard it was on him after "the divorce." We cried, laughed, got a little defensive a few times but, I got to thinking, I don't know if we would ever have had those conversation had I not lost my job. He is literally My Knight in Shining Armor.
I don't look back in frustration with that life-altering-event. Instead I focussed on what is important to me. Family and Time. I sponged it up!!! I was able to experience my two favorite things this Summer...swimming almost every day for the last 3 months and spending precious time with famil
Last week, I was introduced and welcomed by the City I live in, as the new Library Director. I can't tell you how much of a fit this is for my life right now. My son is getting busy with work and going back to school and my daughter is moving 6 hours away in October. I waited patiently, worked through the daily negativity and fear based chatter in my brain. I couldn't ask for a better ending to this amazing Summer journey.
So when you hit your times of fear, remember you are okay. Pray, meditate, think of your favorite place or song...or do like I do, dance like crazy in my 16' camper. Fear is legit but it does NOT have our permission to take up residency in our heads.
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