Well, another week has passed, and while it wasn’t exactly the smooth sailing I had hoped for, I did manage to grab a few nuggets of wisdom along the way. It’s funny how life has a way of reminding me of things I thought I had already figured out, like ‘People can be shady,’ and ‘Your emotions, while valid, shouldn’t govern your behaviors.’ So let’s dive into some of the lessons I learned, and maybe you’ll pick up a few useful tips for navigating your own chaos.
People will disappoint you (but you don’t have to let it ruin your day)
Here’s a shocker—people will disappoint you. They will lie, cheat or just act plain sketchy. I know, it’s a real plot twist. But here’s what I’m sure of: I am still responsible for how I react and respond to their gross actions.
I was angry and disappointed and hurt. I let myself feel all of those emotions. I did not, however, allow those feelings to dictate my behavior as I pondered the impact this situation may have on my life. Instead I reacted with integrity, honesty, grace and poise, because that is my true nature and no one—not even the sketchiest person—should have the power to control my response. So, feel what you feel, let it pass through you like a bean burrito, and then get back to being your awesome self.
Instead of being chained to anger, frustration, disappointment or hurt, I chose to turn that passion and energy towards a solution to get me through. Brainstorm, collaborate and solve.
Bonus lesson: Allow other people the space and grace to process and feel what you have already dealt with. Don’t rush them too much.
Acts of Service. Are we really giving?
Speaking of giving, I recently had a conversation about acts of service with some wise women.
Acts of service are important. But let’s be real for a second—if you’ve ever cleaned out your closet only to find a bag of old sweaters you can’t even remember buying, are you really giving? Or are you just making room for more stuff? Maybe true service isn’t just about offloading things you don’t want—it’s about giving our time, energy, and effort.
Collecting canned goods for a food pantry is often a lesson in service for youth. I wonder though, is asking a child to go to a full pantry in their parents’ home really an act of service? Would we have a greater impact on children by having them actually donate their time and energy to a cause? Children organizing clothes or food or toys for charitable organizations is maybe a better act of service; even better, allowing them to interact and engage with those in need.
Allowing children to experience the suffering of others and then giving them space to help ease that suffering, well that is fostering a fertile soil for compassion and love to fully express itself in the world. Just a thought.
Women Supporting Women
Let’s talk about women for a minute. We all know we face a lot of challenges—some seen, some unseen. But here’s the thing, women should lift each other up. Period. Appreciate those friends whom you can share your feelings with, especially the friends who not only support you and offer encouragement but challenge you to be a better person every day.
Women love differently than men. Accept that.
Successful women behave differently. We don’t trash, bash or ridicule other women. We lift other women up and support and encourage them. Sometimes women make what may seem like bad decisions, remember that we all sometimes make bad decisions, but we all have a story and sometimes no one knows that story. Have grace for women. Don’t be a mean woman, it’s gross. Women face adversity every day in so many ways, we must cheer for one another.
If you are judging a woman for trying to live her best life, writing blogs, speaking her truth, exploring her options, well that is a YOU problem baby, work on it. You’ll feel much better being a better human.
Smiling at other women at the gym matters. Share books or podcasts or movies, anything that inspired you or made you think or impacted you. Compliment other women and do it with meaning and sincerity.
Women, we can be each other’s biggest supporters, and we should be.
Love Isn’t a Doormat—It’s a Guide
I came across an idea recently that has really stuck with me. It posed the notion of asking yourself a question in the middle of a difficult situation, that question is, “How would love act here?”
Love isn’t a doormat. Love doesn’t pardon all things. Love doesn’t say “it’s okay” to every apology. Love can say, “I accept your apology but you were wrong and now I can’t trust you.” Love calls things out when it needs to. It stands firm, holds boundaries, but still shows grace and compassion. It can accept apologies without accepting or dismissing the behavior that caused the pain. And it doesn’t let anyone push us into compromising our integrity or self-respect. Love can still be fierce.
Love is a powerful force for good, but it’s not about being passive. It’s about holding boundaries with compassion.
Ruthless is Overrated
I heard something recently that made me cringe, the idea of a woman being “ruthless” as some badge of honor. Look, I don’t want to be ruthless, and I’m pretty sure no one truly does. Ruthlessness is cold, calculated and lacks compassion. Acting without pity or compassion, or being cruel and merciless is not something to be proud of. It’s the opposite of what we should be. Let’s lead with empathy, grace and above all, LOVE.
I hope that my ongoing attempts to live with integrity, grace and poise will not keep people awake at night reflecting on how they are living, but instead will infiltrate their own lives in a way that they can’t help but integrate these qualities into their own interactions and engagements. Well, maybe I hope for both.
So, that’s what I’ve learned this week: don’t let disappointment control you, support others with intention, and always choose love—even if it means calling out the bad stuff. We’ve got enough ‘ruthless’ in the world. Let’s be the women who make compassion look cool instead. I’ll go first.
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