I live with a mild amount of anxiety at my baseline. It used to be moderate to severe, so I’ll take mild. Sometimes it is gone completely, and that causes me anxiety, like wait where’s my pants? As if it’s a part of me. IYKYK.
Over the years and through the depths I have built a toolbox to help contain, decrease or eliminate anxiety. Different tools work in different situations. Mediation, prayer, breathing techniques, yoga, nature, mantras and lifting heavy weights all work for me at times. Don’t get me wrong I’ve also used booze, weed, screaming, shouting, pouting and stomping, they just don’t really work for me and a lot of times they make things worse.
I have come so far in managing anxiety and if you suffer from anxiety and would like to build a toolbox, reach out to me, it’s just one of the many things I do in my studio, and if you have a toolbox and are successfully managing anxiety, reach out to me and share your tools. I personally am currently not using medication, but I think it can be a valuable tool, both pharmaceuticals and natural options. Anxiety is still a part of my life, but it isn’t a star or even a supporting cast member, it makes a cameo appearance now and then. Thank you for this.
Anxiety appeared this weekend. I wasn’t surprised, ole Pluto is presenting me with a final exam to see if I am in fact using the tools that I have gathered and honed. I am. An event occurred, anxiety presented itself and I started telling myself some stories. Crazy stories. Not quite worst case scenario stories, but doozies just the same.
The first thing I did was say, “Stop it, girl.” Out loud. I acknowledged what was happening and I put the brakes on.
And then I took 5 deep breaths. In and out through my nose. I watched my breath flow through my body. I felt my feet on the floor. I came back to myself through my senses. I breathed. I listened to my breath. I watched my breath. And then I began to have a conversation with myself. I talked myself down, “there is no evidence to support this, Ames. This is old patterns and ruminating thoughts rearing their ugly heads to trip you up. Don’t allow it.”
I breathed. I talked rationally to myself. And the anxiety hung out, like the stench of heated up left over fish in the break room.
So I laced up my Brooks and hit the pavement. I couldn’t get there fast enough. I knew my happy place would help. In this case, I headed for the trees. As I approached my favorite spot on the bike path, a winding stretch with a canopy of trees that have become familiar and comforting, I could feel myself yield. The feeling of peace became stronger the further I ventured into the grove. I slowed down and focused on my breath. I offered gratitude to the trees and the sky, to God and to nature and to the earth for providing a haven for me. I became so solidly grounded, the swirling thoughts stopped and I was only feeling real and grounded and grateful again.
I touched trees, literally laid my hands on them and spoke to them, I thanked God for this place. And then I listened. The idea that came to me was this is just a symptom of being human, Ames. It were as if the trees spoke the comforting words to me. All of this, it’s just humanity, it’s just part of it. I felt myself soften and my mind clear. I felt in control again. I thanked the trees for their kindness and comfort, for their canopy, for all that they provide for me.
I was sharing this story with a mentor, I shared how the trees spoke to me and brought me back to sound and sane thinking. And in her wisdom, she said, “no goddess, the trees did not speak the words to you. The trees brought you back to yourself, to your soul, to your inner being. The trees, the forest, the sky, the earth, God’s creation, grounded you so that you could hear your own wisdom, your own intuition speaking to you, through you.”
It was empowering to hear those words. The wisdom was within me. I wasn’t a passive receiver of wisdom delivered by trees or leaves or sky or earth, but rather I was an active healer, allowing the trees to be a conduit of peace so that I could sense my own soul, soothing me back to myself.
When anxiety winds up and tries to trip me again, I will acknowledge and stop and breathe and stand. And maybe instead of running for the trees, I will sit and close my eyes and remotely connect to the trees and the earth and the sky, and I will allow myself to surrender to the grounding power that they provide me, and I will be still and sense my own wisdom, my own power. I really hope this works. A remote connection between my soul and my trees.
One thing I know for certain, the anxiety will come again, I don’t know when and I don’t know what the trigger will be, but I know it will come again. I also know that the trees and the sky and the sun and the moon and earth and God, they aren’t going anywhere, they’ll be available, even if it’s remotely, I can access the grounding power.
Find what grounds you. Build a toolbox. Stop. Breathe. Sense. And reach out when you need to or when you want to, reach out and ask for some help, find your trees.
If anxiety is a stranger to you, offer gratitude and perhaps be a tree to someone who knows it all too well.
May you be grounded and guided, may you find a winding, tree lined path straight to your own soul’s wisdom. Namaste.
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