It is so easy to get caught up in life's circumstances that we lose focus and drift into habits of feeling that everything is working against us or happening to us. Navigating between an attitude that embraces the flow of ups and downs versus being at odds with it can be as simple as trying to maintain the correct perspective.
When we adopt the perspective that everything happening in our lives is happening FOR us and not TO us, life fundamentally changes. It isn't an easy ask to shift perspective, but it is entirely possible and it can lead to a wholly fulfilling life journey. Shifting to this new mindset can even allow us to more easily integrate our past experiences (i.e. traumas or shadow selves) and bring healing.
As of the writing of this blog, I am relegated to my couch, right foot elevated and orders to have no weight baring activities for yet a couple weeks minimum. I had the unfortunate occurrence of breaking, rather shattering, my ankle in over 15 pieces. It was a far from pleasant experience. I could wallow in my misfortune and wonder, "Why did this happen to me?" Or I can choose to view it through a very different lens. I can chose to say, "Ok. I'm listening. What is it that I need to stop and learn or do?" I chose the latter. I chose to take a deep breath and use my newly found down time to write, create, contemplate and heal. Instead of being upset at my circumstance, I made the choice to embrace them and even be grateful.
I'm not saying this is easy. It is not. A broken ankle is one thing, but I realize some of us have had deep wounds created by very real and deeply felt traumas. With any shift, we have to be kind to ourselves. We need to accept our own readiness and be willing to forgive ourselves if we are not ready for a shift. Readiness is part of the journey too. If you have a past trauma that you feel you simply can not shift perceptive on, that is ok. Accept that. Acknowledge it. Work on it. Abuse, rape, neglect, abandonment... and countless other forms of darkness touch our lives. It is hard to see how those things happen FOR us. I too have been touched by some of those darknesses listed above. I also struggle at times keeping myself from slipping into a negative mind set.
But there is a mode of speaking to yourself that can help shift you from those low vibrational thoughts of "To Me" into the higher vibrational thoughts of the "For Me" perspective. In the examples above (abuse, rape, neglect, abandonment) and when engaged in low vibrational thoughts, there is a common factor of another individual whom we identify as having done or failing to do something to/for us. We have an opportunity to shift focus and rewrite the narrative from off of us and onto the journey of this other individual. By doing this, we create an opportunity for a shift.
For example, one of my dearest friends struggles at times as a result of her father abandoning and neglecting her on a regular basis to date women. As a child she was often left to run the household and care for her sibling while he would stay at his girlfriends homes leaving them to fend for themselves. It's easy to say that this neglect and abandonment happened TO her. But, if we disregard that mode of thinking, and choose to think differently, we open ourselves up to something transformative.
When she takes the narrative and places it on him, then it becomes, "I watched my father as he struggled through navigating parenthood as a single dad with adults needs. He did not always make the right choices. His priorities were not always where they should have been. But, I watched him grow. I watched him become the loving father he is today. I leaned a lot about myself along the way too. I learned I was self sufficient. I am a nurturer. I am capable and resilient." Doing this, she shifts into someone no longer beholden unto low vibrational patterns and walks in her transformed and empowered self.
As life happens, give yourself a moment to pause. Celebrate all the good things. And, as circumstances arise that you find challenging, ask yourself if there is a way to shift your perspective and accept the growth opportunities presenting themselves to you.
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