My sweet friend and sister healer Kari Vehorn referred a new client to me a few months ago. She gave me a heads up and told me that this client wants to journey a little deeper and Kari told her, “you need to meet Amy Kemper.” I love her for that.
This client came to me with some pretty heavy worries. I did some body work on her at our first visit and then we explored some guided meditations and some really honest, raw, emotional conversations.
She shared with me her struggles with a miscarriage. She shared her experiences with infertility. We breathed and meditated and wept. We crafted a virtual toolbox for her to deal with anxieties and ruminating thoughts.
It had been several weeks since we had connected when she reached out to me. She came in to the studio and I worked on her head neck and shoulders while she began to catch me up on her life.
She shared that upon a recent visit with her mother she was able to speak her own truth, set boundaries and have grace for her mom. #growth
And then she told me that she was nine weeks pregnant! My heart released some pink and gold sparkly little heart shaped glitter out into my blood stream. But instead of telling me how ecstatic she was, she complained for fifteen minutes.
She complained about the physical ailments of pregnancy, she actually said that she didn’t understand and it was so unfair that other women got to go through pregnancy with no symptoms at all. She was just trying to not throw up and she was exhausted. I wasn't sensing joy and gratitude.
I made her stop. I told her we were going to do a meditation together and I got her set up and cozy. I led her on a beautiful, soul deep connection to her baby. I offered her a chance to breathe a flow between her heart and her baby’s heart, a flow of unconditional spotless love, acceptance, support, nourishment and nurturance. I encouraged her to be fully present and immersed in this flow of connection with her child. We offered gratitude for this gift that she had prayed for, this honor for her to be chosen to be the vessel to grow this life. We offered thanks for this miracle.
After gently escorting her back to the present moment in the studio, we talked about the experience. She literally pushed her hand out, as if she were pushing away a tangible object, and admitted that she “wanted to be pregnant but she wanted it on the side.” A big plate of pain please, hold the joy, a tiny side of happiness, but keep it all separate. She thanked me for the connecting meditation, she knew she needed it.
This was one of those times that words came out of me that I know without a doubt were divinely inspired to be exactly what she needed to hear. I said, “How dare you. You have prayed for this child. How dare you.” I called her out on all of her complaining about the ailments of pregnancy and the complete lack of joy as she shared her news with me. I chastised her for judging and thinking that any woman out there has no symptoms during pregnancy, many are so happy to be pregnant that they can’t complain. I was hard on her but I think in a gentle loving way. I suggested that she could be avoiding connecting with her baby because of fear. She is protecting her heart from the pain of loss. She was pushing the connection away because she was afraid of losing this baby too.
She knew it. She owned it. We cried. And she felt better. We developed a plan for a breathing technique to help with nausea, practicing the mama/baby connection meditation and a gratitude practice. We talked about how it is said to be impossible to practice gratitude and feel anxiety at the same time.
A few days later she texted me to thank me and let me know that she was feeling much better in many ways. I asked if I could share her story in this blog series on pain. She agreed. The next day she let me know that she had an ultrasound and it was much different after our conversation, she said “Got to see our little babe move, hear the heartbeat. Gratitude for sure!!”
See how unresolved pain can penetrate itself into our lives and shroud the joyful blessings, blur the answers to our prayers. Memories of heartache can build walls between us and people we love, it can twist our mindset, it can rob us of celebrating and embracing joy. Unresolved emotional pain can steal our focus, weigh us down and change who we are, and who we are meant to be. We owe it to ourselves to do the work to heal so that we can recognize the gifts and vibrate in gratitude and love. It’s a good to place to be.
If you are living unhealed and would like guidance on the resources available to help with a healing journey, ask. Ask me, your doctor, your sister, your clergy, your friend, just ask. There are many ways to heal, you just find what works for you. It’s messy and it hurts but it’s worth going through, I’m telling you.
Commentaires