As I was driving to the gym tonight it occurred to me that while I often say that lifting weights is mental health care for me, as much as it's physical, but if I'm completely honest, every now and then it's just replacing one style of pain with another. There are worse things I have done.
The last several years have been trying. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’ve also made a lot of really good decisions. I experienced a lot of hurt through the healing, I’m afraid that’s just how it works, you have to feel the hurt in order to heal the hurt. Sucks, I know, trust me, I know.
Being able to just sit with the pain and listen to what it needs, is really a powerful technique to healing. It works. It also hurts like a mother. It can leave a mark. I have been able to use this really healthy, really enlightened method, and I try to practice it often as a preventative form of care as well. I’ve also used some really unhealthy coping skills, like partying like a rock star.
It worked too. As long as the buzz lasted, and until the regret and guilt and hangxiety kicked in. It took me longer than it should have to learn this, and I still dabble in this form of self medication here and there. I admit, I don’t fully have my shit together, but I’m working on it everyday. I’m trying to get my poop grouped, lol.
This was a super moon weekend and the Taurus full moon had me edgy and emotional.Did you feel any strong emotions with this powerful, last supermoon of the year?
I was having a pity party in my car that I was trying to turn into a motivational speech, I do my best work in my car; concerts, Ted Talks, therapy sessions. I told myself that I needed to get over feeling lonely because I’m probably going to be single for the rest of my life and that it was fine. I would be okay. I have things to do, after all. I am living a happy, fulfilled life, mostly. While it may not be horrible advice, it didn’t have any impact on lessening my feelings of isolation, so I had to decide how I was going to deal with it. I could catch a buzz and numb it, chat with people in a bar probably feeling the same thing, I could eat a half a gallon of ice cream in my pjs but I remember how that made me feel like ass last time, so I made a mental check list of my virtual toolbox of self care techniques for dealing with shitty emotions.
I went to the gym on Friday night at 8pm. It helped. I went back Saturday morning and then I took a walk to my trees. I touched them and talked to them and it helped. Saturday evening I called a friend and shared how I was feeling, she and another friend came and picked me up and hung out with me, and we talked about feeling shit and dealing with shit. And it helped. I had a couple beers this weekend but not to drown anything, just a beer with friends. I ate my feelings a couple times too, but I mean, a girl has to eat.
Heavy feelings like this will come and go, recognizing them for what they are and choosing healthy ways to get through them helps. Sometimes we’re going to eat too much ice cream, drink too much beer, or reach out to people who aren’t for our greatest good, those are unhealthy coping mechanisms not self care. Sometimes we meditate, contemplate, hit the gym, phone a friend, hug a tree and every time we choose those healthy self-care techniques that actually promote healing, we rewire our brain, so the next time, we’re more likely to choose them again. Keep trying. Acknowledge the growth when you recognize the need and then make good decisions to not just cope, but to deal and heal. Have grace when you eat or drown the shitty feelings.
Most of all, keep your eye on the good stuff, search for the silver linings, look for the lesson, stay in the high vibe where shitty feelings don’t survive. It’s no coincidence that the high vibe can be achieved and maintained by the these very things, so hang with solid friends, walk in the forest, crush some PR’s in the gym, eat some good food, get some sleep, be still and watch yourself breathe now and then, do lots of things that feel good and make you happy.
If you need some guidance building a virtual, mental health toolbox, we can help.
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