I am currently registered as a republican. But I am not a republican. Not being a republican does not make me a democrat.I’m not an independent or a centrist. I am not in alignment with any political party at this point. I am not a label or a term or a slur to help you pigeon hole me into a space that you created to assist your beliefs and biases in navigating how I fit into your life. You can choose to stamp me with a logo or a trademark in an attempt to satisfy yourself, you can decide to engage with me or avoid me, based on your perception of who you want me to be. That is not who I am.
I am a follower of Christ, a daughter, a mother, a Mimi, a sister, a friend. I am a healer and a giver and a lover. I am a listener, a noticer, a witness, a holder of space.
I am called to love and to heal. I’ve done a lot of work to get here. I’ve waded through memories and moments that lingered in my soul, clouding my vision. I’ve explored and investigated my brokenness and my pain. I’ve sat with the stench of my demons. I’ve allowed and listened to the hurt and the trauma and the lies and by doing so, I was able to let in the truth, the light and the love and the peace.
I feel intensely. I have strong empathic qualities, perhaps because of trauma and learning to tip-toe around people because I can sense their moods and emotions more so than even they can, or because it’s innately how I was created and wired, it is who I am. Either way, I can read a room on a whole ‘nother level.
What that ability has taught me, paired with working one on one with countless patients, clients and friends over the years, is that we are all looking to belong—to be a part of something bigger.
I see people believing that a group of like minded politicians is the Moses of modern times, leading the masses to some illusory land of milk and honey, where gas is under two bucks a gallon and 401k’s grow like a beanstalk.
I see scads of people, pointing and pounding, shouting slurs at people who are different. Pointing at and blaming and shaming anyone who lives differently, prays differently, learns differently, spends differently, loves differently, or votes differently; it’s the new American way. It’s the modern sense of belonging, let’s hate the same people. That’s what I see.
What I sense, in the depths of my soul, is pain, a whole nation of hurting people hurting people, and hurting people hating people. Everyone thinks their way is the only way, but how is your way working out for you? Really? If it still has you shouting and slinging slurs, pouting, pounding and pointing, that could be an indicator that it isn’t working.
How are your personal relationships working for you? How is your job going? How do you engage and interact with people in your life? How is your health; mental, physical, emotional and spiritual? All of these things are being impacted by your politics. All of these things are being even more strongly impacted by watching some talking heads spew and spin words that fit this agenda that you’ve allowed yourself to be cornered into. This is what pushed me away, I don’t like to feel cornered.
I learned from my dad to sit where you can see everything and everyone, and to know where the exits are. I saw the proverbial writing on the wall and I knew that I didn’t belong in a corner, where if I believe this then I must believe that too. I don’t belong in such constraints.
I have played golf with rich, white men strapping on bags filled with clubs equal to six months of my pay who leech a slimy lack of respect for women and I have watched similar men sit around a card game and raise a couple grand in fifteen minutes for a worthy cause. I have also practiced yoga with Lululemon clad women, driving off in their SUV’s to grab lunch and a latte with their sorority sisters bashing that new woman in class, with couth, of course and I have witnessed similar women donate their goods, time and money to a women's shelter. I’ve held the hands of dying patients with nothing left but their last breath. I’ve witnessed the births of babies, coming to earth like a blank slate filled with infinite potential. I have listened to people weep as they share their pain and vices. I have witnessed people share the joy of their successes. And what I have learned from all of this, is that we are all really the same, deep down. What I learned about myself though, has had a profound impact on my perspective, my politics and my peace.
I have prayed with people in the front pew. I have prayed with people who feel unworthy to even enter a church. I have had priests and deacons pray over me and lay their hands on me. I have had a shaman mulch my soul energy. I have felt the presence of Christ in adoration in a church. I have felt the presence of Christ in a forest. I have experienced the transfer and sharing of energy and metta through breath and intent, in a circle of strangers. I have experienced loneliness and isolation in a room full of people I am familiar with.
I am intrigued by the intangible spaces that not everyone can see or sense. A core piece of my soul’s journey involves being compassionate, nonjudgmental and accepting. I am endlessly curious about people. I know that we all have a story, each of us has a path that has shaped us and that inspires us, through joy and happiness and through pain and suffering. We each have our own story, our own personal journal of sorts, and at the same time we all share this collective saga, the bigger picture, that we experience together yet separately. I believe that we’re all doing the best we can right now, with what we have and what we know.
I am in the middle, out here where my voice is seemingly unheard. I am a single woman, forging my own way, surrounded by a tribe of women who love like I do and by a few men who respect and adore me. I scrutinize philosophies and policies, scripture and scruples on a case by case basis, not as a blanket approach to ruling humanity. We are not soft, moldable dough to be shaped and formed from the same cookie cutter, uniform and boxed up, sorted by the essence of what makes us. We are a cloth of many colors, textures, and layers; threads intertwined and woven to create a magnificent tapestry. We’ve been ripped apart, but we can be mended and strengthened and one, once again.
One thing that hasn’t changed, regardless of where I am, who I am with, or what type of experience I am having, is my faith in Christ. I have questioned, I have held anger and dug my heels in, also I have yielded, trusted, accepted and known. I believe that it is up to each of us, individually to create the world we wish to live in. No one is going to save us. There is no “chosen one”. There is no party or platform that is going to deliver us. We each must decide to soften our hearts. To live more ethically and honorably. We must shift to living with kindness and grace and charity. We must become more mindful of what we create and what we consume. It’s up to each of us to decide how we are going to be a part of a collective solution and stop being so passionately attached to a problem of collective divisiveness.
I believe that Jesus would not be seeking solutions in a senate hearing. He wouldn’t be in the front pew. He would be feeding people, healing people, listening to people and connecting with people. He wouldn’t be in a town hall, the capital building or a temple, but he might be sitting around a fire with some women, hell bent on changing the world for the better, one fire, one moon, one heart at a time.
Personal freedom is of great importance to me. I don’t want politicians meddling in my faith, my bedroom, or my doctor’s office. I want to feel safe. I want to have enough money to have what I need. I am content to pay my share. I want a little roof over my head where I can feel secure and warm and protected. I want access to healthy food and clean water, to nourishing soil, to clean air. I want uninhibited entry to any book, document, venue or platform housing information, knowledge and ideas that I wish to explore. I want to live in harmony with my neighbors. I want to live in a peaceful world. I want to honor and learn from diversity. I want to embrace camaraderie and fellowship. I want to meditate, pray, dance, worship, testify and move freely, without regulation from an entity that has no soul.
I want that for my family. I want that for my friends. I want that for you and yours.
I am called to love and you can cast shadows on my approach and my beliefs and ideals, my politics, or you can light up and feel completely aligned with me either way, I know my purpose and my path and my party. I respect you and honor you and I see the light in you.
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